Navigating Neurodivergency
When someone is AuDHD (autistic + ADHD), meltdowns and burnout aren’t just “bad moods” or overreactions.
As many of you who follow my adventures may know by now, I've been learning how to navigate the world with neurodivergency. For me, I have the fun combo of autism and ADHD (or AuDHD as it's called currently).
This has been a difficult journey as much as it's been enlightening. So many things have made more sense, but that doesn't make it easy.
I am still finding myself on the backend of neuro meltdowns and burnout (triggered from years of not addressing it since I didn't know about it). Both have manifested frequently, if not more than they used to (or I'm just finally noticing it more now).
I'm also doing this while running a business, going to therapy, building new exercise routines, and tweaking my diet yet again, cutting out alcohol, herb and sweets, thanks to the other more recent diagnosis of coronary artery disease.
All of which feels both overwhelming and futile with the greasy bitch in the white house getting crazier and stupider every day, as he ignores the constitution, his masked goon squad kidnaps people off the streets and he and his stupid lapdogs threaten WW3 and lie about everything.
For the autistic mind, this sort of injustice sends us into insane rages, hopelessness and breakdowns and it's best if we keep the news at a minimum (which is also hard for an old journalist and recovering news junky).
Seeing the executive dysfunction in myself emerge in real time, day after day, while just trying to get everything done has proven to be very difficult. Especially when you've prided yourself on your "intellect" and being a "gifted kid" all growing up, and which people look at as their "proof" that nothing's really wrong with me.
But the graveyard of abandoned projects alone is proof of my disorders.
The crushing sensation of watching the shrugged shoulders of the neurotypical folks when you try to explain to them is enough to send you into the guardrails.
It's all too much, really.
Even when I try to tune out and dissociate, I can't.
This is part of the executive dysfunction and a trait of the autism, I guess, replaying and stimming all sorts of stupid scenes on repeat in my head for days on end sometimes (often in bed, keeping me awake til deep into the morning).
For anyone learning to find their footing with their own neurodivergence, or trying to support someone they love who’s navigating it, here’s something important to understand:
When someone is AuDHD (autistic + ADHD), meltdowns and burnout aren’t just “bad moods” or overreactions.
They’re full-body neurological events. The brain gets overwhelmed by sensory input, emotional overload, too many decisions, masking, or all of the above.
And suddenly the system crashes. The whole system. Mind. Body. All of it. Organs suffer and take damage. Blood pumps incorrectly, either too hard or not enough. Impulse control is all over the map. The prefrontal cortex (intellect) goes offline, relying on the amygdala (fight/flight/fawn response), and then floods itself and the body with all sorts of physiological responses and chemicals that make absolutely no sense to what is actually happening.
And having both autism and ADHD creates absurd levels of conflict as both work against each other and usually leave you frozen, paralyzed, and incapacitated. Sometimes for hours or days.
It's why each of these falls under the category of disorders. Executive dysfunction is not something someone chooses, it's something that happens. It's something that must be accommodated. Like the paraplegic needs a wheelchair, the neurodivergent needs support and accommodation. Sadly, the neurotypical world still ignores mental disorders because they can't be "seen". They still see them as something that one just needs to "get over" or "try harder" to "fix".
I am learning how to accommodate for myself, but the hard truth is, the people around us ND folks need to understand some of this and do their best to accommodate these needs too.
I know this is a big ask, but the fact is, neurodivergent people have been accommodating and sacrificing their own well-being, mental and physical health, safety and their basic needs to adapt to a world built for neurotypical people for generations, without any understanding that this was happening until fairly recently.
So let me help shed some light on the hardest parts of these conditions to anyone who cares about the neurodivergent people in their life, whether they are loved ones, coworkers, friends or even themselves.
The whole point of this post is to soften some of the agony that the neurodivergent can suffer. To help build some support and community around this condition from the people we need it from the most.
Neuro meltdowns and burnouts are probably the biggest challenges that happen with this condition.
A meltdown comes on suddenly when the system goes "offline" from overstimulation, overwhelm, or too much pressure, too many tasks, too long hours. It might look like yelling, crying, going nonverbal, pacing, or shutting down completely. It happens to me multiple times a week and has for years. Not addressing meltdowns usually leads to neuro burnout.
Burnout is long-term and can last for days, weeks, months or even years. It comes from extended or relentless activity without rest.
Burnout occurs from not giving yourself enough space or rest. Of just taking on far too much. It often shows up as exhaustion, brain fog, disconnection, or days of needing to recover from just “acting normal” too long.
This isn’t about weakness, drama, or not trying hard enough.
It’s about capacity.
Neurodivergent minds are far more sensitive and use far more resources than normal folks. I've been told that ND minds can take in and process up to 40% more information than others, which sounds great to productivity hackers. But it's not. It means we need more rest. Our battery simply drains faster.
I have been recovering from this myself since leaving my career in radio (an industry built to burnout anyone, neurodivergent or not). That was seven years ago. Back then, I worked 12-15 hours a day. No joke.
I left totally burned out and proceeded to bounce from one company to another for the next five years, never truly recovering from the burnout I was living with, only to completely collapse after my mom died of COVID, my parents' house burned down, and then my sister died. I was at the end of my rope.
Suicidal and hopeless, I got into therapy, started EMDR, and began to untangle and heal a lifetime of unresolved, ignored traumas to help me gain the self-courage and strength to make a last-ditch effort to overcome them and start my own business.
Not because it was my dream, but because I had no choice.
I had to build a life that accommodated an invisible monster I didn't know even existed. To escape to a safe place that I built on my own. Where I was in charge of my time, my work, my appearance, and my income. It's been a struggle, but it's working.
Despite the successes I've had so far, I am still recovering from it all. I've made it work, and I'm doing much better. But every day is difficult, even when I have a light workload.
I still wrestle with being kind to myself. I still get frustrated at my mind for not doing what it is supposed to. I still fight every day to fit into a world that wasn't built for me and doesn't make sense to me most of the time, with its hideous injustices, illogical activity and apathy. I still feel like an alien and uncomfortable in my own skin. I still blame myself for not being good enough.
Even though I know I'm working at a disadvantage and have my whole life. As they say, it's not the cards you're dealt, it's how you play them. And I've learned how to mask up and play that game pretty well, given all the circumstances.
I am thankful and lucky, though. Burnout didn't kill me (yet), and it's what led me to start my own business and build a framework and system for myself that actually suits my needs.
I'm finally realizing this was why I couldn't handle most workplaces, with all their "fast-paced environments" and relentless workloads. Where you're rewarded for efficiency with more work. Where there are no prizes, no awards, and no bonuses for going above and beyond. All of these grey, soulless cubicle hell farms. None of which are designed for neurodivergency. Especially when many of these places were run by toxic, cruel people.
Back then, I just pushed through, which always made things worse. Just like a muscle being overworked, it can lead to catastrophic damage. Which is partly what has happened to my own system, and why I am most likely suffering from serious heart and coronary disease and chronic mental illness.
I ran the engine far too hot for far too long and never allowed myself the space to rest, heal, or just relax a little.
I still feel guilty when I take time off. It's really been beaten into me.
The neurotypical capitalist structure is not friendly to rest. It demands constant growth (which is unnatural in all forms of nature except in the cases of viruses).
If I start my day at 9, I am usually toast by 2 pm. And I have been that way my whole life. That window shrinks drastically when it comes to stuff I hate doing. When I have to "eat my vegetables," if you will, I have about 2 hours in me before my mind shuts down.
But then, on the flipside, I can hyperfocus on things I love, like working on a song for 15 hours straight without eating or going to the bathroom. I have literally spent entire weekends, days, and nights, no sleep at all, working on things I love. It's a really weird thing that happens in the neurodivergent brain.
Which is why being on the radio suited me so well for so long. You only really need to be "on" for a few hours and playing rock n roll, making jokes and giving shit away was fun; the rest of the time is maintenance, meetings, music scheduling, talking to labels and bands and doing strategy. All of which are things that I actually enjoyed (still do), which also suit the neurodivergent mind.
But the money was never there and I got tired of starving. Moving to a "big" national show didn't change anything. In fact, I made LESS working in the big city for a top 20 nationally-syndicated radio host as their executive producer than I did working for a podunk rock station! Living on food stamps was not the life for me.
But I digress.
I only hope I caught all of this before it’s too late. I feel like there's a ticking time bomb in my chest that will go off at any time. And that is most likely the result of ignoring my neuro needs for my entire life and pushing myself past my limits for nearly 4 decades, in some hideous display of masking, year after year, decade after decade, people pleasing and camouflaging a disorder I didn't know I had.
Looking back, it's clear I've been battling this for many years. Sky-high blood pressure. Terrible cholesterol. Anxiety. Depression. Trauma. Violence. Self-esteem collapse. Suicidal ideation. All stemming from ignoring my mind.
Now I'm trying to make amends, be kinder to myself, and make up for lost time with the hope that I can get some time added back to the clock. We will see. I often feel like a tattered pirate flag just barely hanging on. But at least now I finally know what's going on in my weird ass brain and my thrashed old body.
So with all that said. What helps most in these moments of meltdown and burnout isn’t pressure or correction...it’s safety.
Quiet.
Time.
Zero demands.
Sensory relief.
Meditation.
Sometimes, just sitting nearby someone without talking can be the biggest act of love.
If you’re the one melting down, it’s okay. You’re not broken. You’re not too much. You’re reaching a limit that deserves respect, space and compassion, not shame.
And if you love someone who goes through this, the best thing you can do is believe them, stay calm, and give them space to come back when they’re ready. It's not their choice that their brains aren't working right or like yours. They didn't choose this any more than the person in the wheelchair chose to have legs that don't work right. You wouldn't ask that person to leave their wheelchair and walk to you, so please, don't expect the neurodivergent person in your life to "try harder" or "stop being lazy".
Compassion is everything.
They may seem angry, frustrated, or off in their own world. It usually has nothing to do with you.
We’re all still learning. But this is how we begin to support each other better.
There's enough apathy, cruelty, and anger out there. No need to feed into that. Be kind to yourself and those around you.
And if you know someone who is neurodivergent, give them a little extra space and grace. Try to understand them, ask them questions and actually listen, because they've been trying to understand you their whole life and bending over backwards to fit into your world.
You'll never truly understand how difficult it is to deal with executive dysfunction, neuro meltdown and burnout on a constant basis. Be glad.
The "gifts" of a high-functioning neurodivergent person are profound, but the burdens are just as heavy.
So at the very least, be kind.